Dear Santa
by Ala
Summary: The Trigun characters write letters to Santa. (Ala lied, she's back.)
1. Victim One

Letters to Santa  
  
Victim One: Knives  
  
Dear Santa,  
  
I have concluded, through much deliberation, that you cannot possibly be the ugly spider that Rem told me you are. If, indeed, you have the ability to deliver gifts to ever child on Gunsmoke than you must be some super human creature. like. a plant. So I have taken it upon myself to write to you, since you aren't one of those silly spider traditions, like the Thanksgiving incident.  
  
So, for this "Christmas" I would like a new angel arm, world domination, and the destruction of humanity. I know, I know. I don't ask for much, you're shocked I'm so selfless, but since my list is so small it should be easy to acquire all the items on it.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Millions Knives  
  
PS: If I should find that you really do "see me when I'm sleeping" and do in fact "know when I'm awake" I will make sure you rue the day you were born. I will slaughter you with a spoon. There will be blood everywhere! I WILL-you get the point.  
  
AN: Yes, I'm a horrible person, I couldn't resist. I said I was done, but I've lied. I'm back. 


	2. Victim Two

Letters to Santa  
  
Victim Two: Millie  
  
Dear Mr. Santa Claus-sir,  
  
How are you? I am good. I have been good this year and did everything Ms. Meryl told me to. I'm sorry for not leaving you milk and cookies last year, but Meryl said I had more important things to do like help her find Mr. Vash.  
  
Anyway, this year I would like some chocolate pudding, and vanilla pudding, and banana pudding, and Jell-O pudding, and instant pudding, and pre-packaged pudding, and pudding mix, and I think that's all.  
  
Love,  
  
Millie  
  
PS: Please bring some extra pudding for Meryl, Mr. Vash, and Mr. Wolfwood.  
  
PPS: Tell little big brother, little brother, big brother, middle little brother, little big sister, bit big sister, little little brother, and bit little brother I say "Hi!"  
  
PPPS: Merry Christmas! 


	3. Victim Three

Letters to Santa  
  
Victim Three: Vash  
  
Dear Santa,  
  
I'm not sure exactly how you manage to get to Gunsmoke if you live at the North Pole of Earth and Earth was destroyed years ago, but I try not to think of it because it makes my head hurt. For Christmas I would like you to bring love and peace to all creatures, and convince Knives that killing is wrong.  
  
.  
  
...  
  
I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen, so. a box of donuts would be fine.  
  
Love & Peace!  
Vash 


	4. Victim Four

Letters to Santa  
  
Victim Four: Meryl  
  
Dear Santa,  
  
I don't believe in you. I'm just writing this so Millie will stop pestering me about "Christmas Spirit" and get back to work! This whole holiday is nothing but a really big scam, isn't it?! It's just so people feel more compelled to buy, buy, BUY! And you're the ring leader, aren'tcha Saint Nick?!  
  
So, if you really are Santa you can get me whatever I want for Christmas, and for Christmas I want Vash to not destroy anything for one WHOLE DAY!  
  
-Meryl 


	5. Victim Five

Letters to Santa  
  
Victim(s) Five: The Gung-Ho Guns  
  
Dear Santie Claus,  
  
After much deliberation the Gung-Ho Guns, writing as a collective, have decided to ask you for one thing for Christmas. We were wondering if you sorta could maybe possibly sedate Knives so we can escape when you stop by on Christmas Eve?  
  
Oh. and E.G. demands a new Kuroneko-sama as the one you gave him last year is "defective".  
  
Your Loyal Servants,  
The Gung-Ho Guns 


	6. Victim Six

Letters to Santa  
  
Victim Six: Wolfwood  
  
List  
  
1) Cigarettes  
  
2) Coffee  
  
3) More Cigarettes  
  
4) Ammo  
  
5) Cigarettees.  
  
The End. 


	7. Epilogue

Letters to Santa  
  
Epilogue  
  
That night Santa made a special trip to two houses on Gunsmoke. Vash received his box of donuts, which oddly enough, kept him out of trouble for the WHOLE day. When Millie looked in her stocking there was nothing there.  
  
. she almost cried.  
  
But then Wolfwood, who was very happy with the cigarettes he received, pointed to a truck outside, that was labeled "Pudding for Millie". Yes, Millie was definitely a happy camper.  
  
Unfortunately Knives received nothing but a lump of coal with a note that said, "I'm watching you."  
  
This set him into a fit of rage so he didn't notice when he ran straight into a wall and was knocked unconcious. The Gung-Ho Guns escaped December 25, 2003.  
  
The End. 


End file.
